First Date Chronicles (3): Somebody Call Poison Control Because There’s Some Toxic Masculinity Invading My Space (Part II)

Happy Wednesday my friends,

Welcome back to my date with the douche, or as I’ll call him Putin. If you missed out on last week’s post, I encourage you to hop on there before reading this one. It will give you the full effect.

As a quick intro, I had a date with the most toxically masculine individual that I’ve ever met. Let’s begin…

One of the worst parts of dating during quarantine is the limited options when it comes to date locations. Unfortunately, this date was hosted at my place (this will serve as an important plot point later in the story). After having a 2-hour conversation filled with red flags the day of the date, I started to question whether or not I even wanted to go through with it. When he suggested tacos, my doubting immediately ceased.

It was action time, he rode up on his horse (technically a Ford crossover). I was greeted with a What’sApp notification from Putin that said and I quote: “Daddy’s home”. As you can imagine, it took a lot of willpower to answer the door after that.

For reference

He was immediately greeted with a warm welcome from Wentworth. I figured that was enough of a welcome, so I reached for the bag of tacos and walked towards the kitchen without even acknowledging his presence. If you can’t tell, I was beyond done before the date even began. To my surprise, he was actually quite charming. I thought that perhaps he just had trouble getting his points across as he had taught himself english. In fact, I had to teach him earlier in the day that bratty is actually not a term of endearment. I realized at that point that no woman had ever challenged him likely because of his looks and intimidating physical presence.

As I slowly started unpacking the tacos I noticed something strange. There was a stack of six, but only one was the type that I ordered. I asked him why he only brought one taco for me. Putin confidently replied: “It’s healthier for you”.

My Response

I decided to keep it classy since that’s the way my mom raised me. I will admit to passively aggressively chewing my ONE taco trying to get as much air in as possible to help quell my hunger. Our dinner conversation started quite light. He could be funny if he wanted to be, BUT then it happened. Somehow he managed to turn the topic of conversation to gender roles– an apparent obsession for him. He commented upon how I kept house and said that it was “more than acceptable”. He said that only women should be nurses and that males make better surgeons. I clapped back as the kids say. I had to explain the barriers that affect women entering into certain professions and the stigmas associated with men entering culturally “feminine” careers. He said that “being bad at something because you are a woman is not a barrier”. I honestly thought that I was being trolled at this point. The rest of the dinner consisted of heated debates regarding his backwards beliefs. To my surprise, he thought that the date was going well so he wanted to watch a movie. I thought “why not?!”. His ignorance had almost become amusing at this point.

I didn’t know that it was possible to be a toxically masculine Netflix watcher, but apparently it is. I picked up the remote and he snatched it out of my hand before I even had a chance to turn the tv on. I honestly froze…I realized that he reveled in wielding his physical dominance over others. I sat as far away as possible from him which he apparently took as an invitation to move closer. As we were trying to decide upon movies, I gave up on voicing my opinion because he would respond with “Dear, and then something condescending”. We, forgive me he, decided upon a movie. He then decided to turn his attention towards my relationship with Wentworth. He complained that I let Wentworth cuddle with me on the couch. He said that I should never put a dog before a man, and that going forward he would be the new King of my castle. He told me that I should put him outside, so that we could be alone. When I told him that Wentworth gets anxiety at night, he replied “Does it look like I care? I’m the man”. No one comes for my dog like that. I was pissed. I wanted him gone.

I tried pretending to be asleep. He took that as an invitation to wake me up with a kiss. I stopped him and told him that I like to take things slow. Nevertheless, he persisted. How brave of him right?! I then decided that plan was not going to work. While thinking of my next tactic, he decided to grab my face and kiss me again. I stopped him again and told him that I wanted to take things slow. He said that he didn’t understand the problem since I’ve kissed a man before. Ummm what?! I then pulled out the good ol’ fashioned it’s getting late and I’ve had a long day. He replied that he brought a toothbrush and we can get some rest. That’s when I really started panicking. I realized that I was trapped.

I came to the realization that I had one tool left to try and get him to leave, but it was risky for me…I had to use his toxic masculinity against him. This time I initiated the kiss. I drew him into it. I pretended to melt into his embrace. As soon as I felt the confidence in his kiss, I pushed him away. I told him that I tried, but it just wasn’t good. He immediately popped up, put on his shoes, grabbed his keys and left. I kid you not. He said that he wasn’t going to grovel on his knees like a little schoolboy. He admitted to having a big ego and said that he was over me playing games with it. I feigned surprise and asked him to stay (a trick I learned to push him further away). Wentworth, naive to the situation at hand, happily chased him out of the door.

That was the last I hear from here. As you can imagine, it wasn’t a great loss on my part.

Please stay safe out there while navigating these odd dating times. Let me know about your post first date.

Yours always,

EM