I am back after a nice, long break. I hope that you been doing well. Current mood: drinking a nice cab suav and listening to Lana del Rey. Bare with me….it’s unfortunately gone straight to my head hah.
As I sit here on a lazy Saturday night, I am left reflecting on the current state of affairs both in my personal life and in the context of the nation in which I live. I’ve yet to understand the wonder of the new year. Maybe it’s due to the fact that not much has changed. A change in regime doesn’t lead to sudden, magnificent change. In the same breath, the ringing in of a new calendar year does not promise the same.
I know that it’s late to address the new calendar year, but if you haven’t noticed a trend around here I like to get distance in order to reflect. I am not one to jump quickly to conclusions or decisions. I digress, but I think the point of this post is to question what the hell I’m actually doing with my life. It may be the wine or the melancholy of my queen Lana’s voice, but it’s two months into the new year and I have yet to feel that spark that seems to hit some individuals. I personally hate new year’s resolutions, but I can’t help but subconsciously make them. Unfortunately, I’ve set myself up for failure yet again.
I have such an intense fear of failure that I am constantly neglecting things that need to be done or perpetually postponing them. I spoke to a friend the other day about my present discouragement. She gave me some sound advice. She told me that “You can only work with what you have right now. You can’t make decisions for the future because you don’t have that moment and the knowledge/ circumstances that may accompany it. You can only make decisions for this present moment because that’s all you have. A series of moments.” (BTW thank you love). It was freeing. I guess that I just wanted to share. Instead of being shackled to your past and crippled by your future, I encourage you look a your life as a series of these small moments where you are completely in control. Do not let hypotheticals dictate your everything.
I am determined to avoid the same mistakes and traps that I consistently find myself in. You can’t be trapped while living in the moment. So yes it is a new year, I hope that it’s a new America, and every moment breeds a new me. I’ve grown just by existing. I know one more thing that I knew a moment ago. I have more knowledge that I once did. It gives me a sense of peace. I feel more empowered to tackle small changes in my life. For instance, I cooked for the first time in a really long time. I love cooking, but it takes so much mental energy that I do not have most days. I had to challenge myself to break the task into a series of moments. Making the decision to fill the pot, making the decision to heat the stove, and so on and so forth.
I hope that this helps even one person out there. I also hope that this was coherent. I’m vibing too much to do a re-read haha.
I hope that y’all enjoy your weekends.